22 - Third Time’s the Charm

It was finally my husband’s turn. What had happened to me the year before was now happening to him: he was falling out of the 30–39 bracket and sliding into the 40–49 category.

Planning his birthday was already chaotic enough—self-inviting in-laws, a sister-in-law in full drama mode, a daughter on a school trip, and a wife who apparently couldn’t read properly and booked opera tickets for London instead of Paris. But since our daughter was away on her class trip in Germany, we decided to turn my mistake into a weekend getaway.

So there we were, sitting in the bathtub together on a Saturday instead of our usual Sunday—like two slightly tipsy tea bags steeping in hot water—while the champagne was already whispering naughty suggestions in our ears. Half joking, half serious, the mister said:

“You know what would make my birthday in London even better? A threesome!”

It wasn’t the first time the topic had come up between us.

Our first attempt had been with a woman he’d met on Tinder—someone who, surprisingly, was really into the idea of a threesome date. She practically had to convince us. But after exchanging numbers with him, she vanished without a trace.

Then I tried a date with a man who, together with his wife, was looking for a third person. But there was absolutely no chemistry between us. For me, it was clear after five minutes.

He, however, needed another forty-eight hours to come to the same conclusion—after careful consideration, as he put it.

But, as the saying goes, third time’s the charm.

We still had three days before our flight, and the mister thought it was highly unlikely that I could pull it off in time. Naturally, that triggered my competitive streak. So I updated my Tinder profile and bought a subscription so I could set my location to London.

My new bio read: “Hey ladies! My goooorgeous French husband is turning 40 next week, and we’re celebrating in London! Looking for a lovely lady to join us. We’re a French-German couple living near Paris.”

Curious how it turned out? When the Matching Queen and the Quota King team up, Tinder doesn’t stand a chance. We decided to keep things simple—the classic setup: drinks, smiles, hotel room. Straight from Tinder for Dummies.

After all, my husband had something to prove.

If we met this woman and she didn’t end up seeing the inside of our windowless hotel room, his 100-percent success rate would go straight down the drain—and on his birthday, of all days! Luckily, there was more to unwrap in London than just presents.

After two cocktails, we vanished behind a hotel door that clicked softly shut.

I was surprised by how natural it all felt. She’d done this many times before and took the lead a little—which was anything but unpleasant.

I’ll leave the sexy details to your imagination—but let’s just say this:

I found myself thinking about that night quite a few times in the days that followed, especially whenever I was slowly savoring an ice cream cone.

And since then, I’ve developed a much deeper appreciation for the oral achievements of dedicated men and women. Who would’ve thought you could actually get tongue-sore?

Practice makes perfect—especially when it comes to oral exams.